You Did Well

I’ve found it very hard to cope with Jonghyun’s suicide. I’m not his friend, his family, not even an acquaintance. But his existence helped me in a way, realize that mine was worth something, worth more than I thought.

I’m sure a lot of us feel that way about our idols. We always wish we could take care of them, that they can have everything they want that could make them happy.

But there are things we can’t see, things we don’t know and things we can’t give. I’ll never miss him the way his mother, his sister, his family and friends do. The pain I feel is one of understanding, and I will miss knowing he’s there for his friends and family. For us. But nothing I feel can even fathom what he felt for all those years.

For all the pain you helped me through, masking your own for the sake of others when you really needed it. For all that you suffered, even though we wish it could have been different. I hope you’ve found the peace you’ve so longed for. I hope you don’t hurt anymore.

You did well, Jonghyun. You did so, so well.