Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been physically pulled into the church of Scientology?
A little while after I published my vlog yesterday, I actually did leave to go get some trail mix. However, this time around I hid my wallet and put my ear buds in.
I was approached by two men in suits and they had a stack of, at the time, what looked like movie tickets.
They were not. It was in fact a flyer and the blonde one asked me to take a quiz. I was like, ‘Sure,’ cuz I thought it would be online. Nope. He grabbed me by my hand and confused, I went along with it.
Once I looked down at the flyer again I was worried. The church of Scientology.
Oh shit. So I get dragged in there, they give me a small information sheet to fill out (I lied my little ass off ain’t no way I’m telling them where I’m really from) and proceeded with three tests: personality, aptitude, and IQ.
My IQ is above average, is what I took away from that. But to continue, after the quiz, me and this one dude were talking and he got dragged in here too, same way as me. Difference was, he didn’t know Scientology was a religion.
I tried to ask for the bathroom so I could sneak our once my buddy was taken away to a counselor, but the woman there was literally watching the hallway, which creeped me the fuck out.
So I stayed and here’s what happened: the guy I got paired with to give me my results went into a full on psychological/marketing fueled sermon on how bad my life was and how Scientology could help me with that. How sucky my personal relationships are and how Scientology could help me with that. How depressed I was and how Scientology could help me with that.
He tried asking me queations, but I just gave him run around answers, which seemed to be wearing on him by the end of the session.
I took psych in college and I’m savvy to the marketing he was trying to shove down my throat, it didn’t work. I looked him in the eye and said, ‘Sir, thank you for the results but I am, and will continue to be, Christian. Thank you and have a nice day.” I shook his hand, he gave me a pamphlet, I left as fast as I could and promptly threw that shit in the garbage.
The video below was my immediate reaction after I FINALLY got some tea and trail mix after what was supposed to be a 20~ish minute excursion, which actually turned out to be more like 3 hours.